First Semester Recap
Boy, has it been a crazy ride! First semester of college is over and I still cannot even fathom it. It has been full of the highest highs and the lowest lows and I wanted to write a recap for a few reasons. I want to review my semester, go over what worked and what didn’t, show others how we can use challenges as lessons to help us grow, and prepare future college students for the wild ride they will embark on.
College has been incredible and full of fun friends and experiences, but I have felt pulled in every which way with my head spinning at all times. I don’t think anyone prepared me for college, although they may have tried. During senior year and the summer I had perfected my routine and lifestyle. I felt invincible in some ways. I was excelling in school, doing tons of extracurriculars, I had 2-3 jobs, the blog, etc. I had my days down to a science, but life is never “perfect.” There were pieces I was missing and that I wanted to fill. To grow and to experience change, we cannot live the same life over and over, even if we may want to. I was so ready for change, I was arguably blinded by excitement. I thought I was prepared for everything that was going to come my way, I was ready to make UNC my world. I think I was picturing my same high school life just at a new place. However, that isn’t really how college works. College flips your world upside and shakes it up like a snow globe. You are in a new place, living and existing with strangers, making new friends, figuring out new teachers. In high school, I knew all of the students and teachers and they all knew me. College is a fresh start which can be exhilarating and daunting all in one breath.
During the first semester there is so much to figure out and you have to rewire your brain. College is harder because there is so much more to focus on and all at once. Grades are more confusing. You haven’t figured out the system yet. By senior year of high school, you know the drill, you know how your school works, and what you need to do. Freshman year of college let’s be real, you know absolutely nothing and everyone around you is pretending they know everything. I want you all (high schoolers, college students, everyone) to know that no one knows what they are doing and no one has their life together all the time. People may seem like they know everyone already or know everything, they don’t. You may feel that you aren’t smart enough to be at your school, I promise you are. You got in and you are there, remember that and don’t let anyone make you forget it. So with this, grant yourself grace. You may not get the perfect grades like you did in high school. You may not find your friends immediately. You may feel lost at times. It is all going to be ok. You don’t have to know everything right this minute and you don’t have to excel right away. You are doing your best and that is more than enough.
Before I get into what I have learned so far, I want to talk about the college admissions process and picking your school. First off, this process is absolutely horrible and grueling. It is not for the weak. You will shed tears, question your identity, think the world is ending. It will all work out. There is no one perfect school. Every school has strengths and weaknesses. A big thing I wish someone told me when I was picking a school is to think about the types of people that go to that school. Do you thrive off of the cut-throat, competition of Ivy League schools? Do you like an emphasis on social life? I love UNC because I am surrounded by intellectual students who want to learn and who want to have fun without too much competition going on. I personally hate competition against others. I like to compete with me, but not with you. I knew I would not do well with an ivy-league school for that exact reason. I will say for a few of the schools I visited, I got this feeling. I knew I would belong there and I could thrive in that environment, but it wasn’t just one school in which I felt this way. I also don’t think that everyone will get this “feeling” you may just have to take a leap of faith. I still think that I would have loved a few of the other schools I was considering, and I love where I am now.
Now let’s talk lessons. I love doing a semester recap because self-reflection and evaluation is key in creating the best person of yourself. First, a few things I learned:
Everything is a learning experience. Whatever happens is there to help you learn and you should think of it that way. Mistakes are a great thing. They force you to pay close attention. Failure is a great thing. It forces you to put even more effort in, care more, and learn more. Let’s stop thinking that failure is a bad thing and that we are so amazing if we don’t fail, that’s just not true. One of my favorite things my mom told me after I received a grade I wasn’t happy with was, “if you knew everything, you wouldn’t be there.”
It will all work out. Take things as they come and deal with them, that is all we can do. I really do believe the universe works in strange, weird, amazing, incredible ways.
The effort and the way you react and respond is way more important than a grade. If you work hard that’s what really matters. If something bad happens or doesn’t go your way, what’s important is that you keep going and come back stronger.
Not only is your effort more important than a grade, but the person you are and how you treat others. My goal in life is to be happy and to make others happy. Being a good person will do so much more for that goal than getting an A. My goal is also success, but success doesn’t just mean making a lot of money and getting straight A’s.
Last thing about grades… there are much bigger and more pressing things out there. When I went home for the first time, it was for my grandfather’s memorial. I remember this being such a wake-up call. I was crying over a group project and worrying about other people not doing their part. What was really important at that time wasn’t my group project or even school, but my grandfather and being with family.
Use the knockouts as chances to be even better. When life gets tough, you can choose to get tougher. I created the Era of Ella/ the Era of Us when I couldn’t get in the flow and felt like the universe was against me. Instead of sulking, I turned up the heat and made it my mission to be better and do better.
Adapting is hard, but in college you are thrown in a new environment that you have to adapt to.
It is not going to be easy, but change never is. Think about how amazing you will feel on the other side and keep going because you are so capable. There were points throughout the semester where I didn’t even know what to do because I was homesick, sad, confused, and a bit all over the place to be so honest with you. Looking back, I feel so powerful because I did it even when I didn’t know if I could. It is so much more rewarding and creates a much more powerful and strong person when we have to go through hardship to receive the reward.
Do what you can, and release the rest. I spent so much time and energy worrying about the things I had no control over which was useless and expended energy I needed for a million other things. Worrying uses so much energy and I think this is what led to my burnout.
College isn’t just about the school part of things as most of us know. It can be easy to get caught up in one or the other: school or social. This is where it is important to balance. It will be a learning experience and it won’t just click right away. You may feel great in one area and bad in another. All we can do is our best!
Releasing comparison is a big one here. I had worked so hard on not comparing myself to others but it came to fruition in a strange way for me. If other people were studying I felt like I had to study even if I didn’t need to. If other people were anxious about their classes I felt that I needed to feel this same way. We don’t, though. We are all different. We have different schedule, classes, learning styles. Do you no matter what. You know what is best. I have mentioned this before, but I also compared my “new life” to my “old life.” I would be sad that I wasn’t at my yoga studio at home or I wasn’t having the same home-cooked meals with my family. What’s amazing is that both lives are great for completely different reasons and instead of comparing them side-by-side, we have to accept them both.
Don’t try to jam pack your schedule full of credits and hard classes. I came in guns a blazing because I was so excited for this new experience. However, I really don’t think anyone is prepared for what is about to occur/did occur. My parents wouldn’t let me take the me take the max amount of credits even though I almost insisted that I should. I could not imagine doing that and really there is no need to. Like I said before, college isn’t just about school so you shouldn’t just fill your time with classes and work. It is not a competition of who can take the most credits. It really doesn’t matter.
Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. You don’t need to say yes to every opportunity you come across.
It will be overwhelming and that’s ok. Come up with a game plan, and seek out help if you need it. The amount of clubs and events going can make you feel frozen. If you don’t realize it, you will go the whole semester without getting involved in the things you wanted to.
Develop relationships with your professors!!! Email them, talk to them, go up to them.
Overall:
I started out the semester strong. I knew I wanted to get to school a few days early to set up my room and get settled. This was the best idea and I highly recommend it. I planned out my room with my roommate for hours and it was so worth it. Being able to have a room in which I feel comfortable in and love is so important to make it feel more homey.
The first few weeks are insane and so so fun. I had sorority rush, parties, events, and just getting situated. I met amazing friends and found a sorority I really love. My roommate and I clicked and I was constantly on the go. Classes began and it was challenging to figure out the new system and how I was going to manage everything. I started comparing what I was doing to what other people were doing and felt like I should be doing more homework or spending more hours studying even though there wasn’t anything for me to do. Luckily, I realized this and have worked throughout the semester to understand that people’s schedules and classes are different. While I wake up early, others go to bed later.
I got a really good groove going. I woke up at 6:30, went to the gym, showered, got ready, and went through with my day. I started out the semester with my tutoring job and needed it with a tutoring job and a yoga job. I don’t think I gave myself enough credit for how much I was doing and how incredible that was. My goal for myself this coming semester is to be proud of myself as I go and not just at the end.
Adrenaline got me through for awhile, but that wore off. Waking up that early and working out right away was getting really tiring. I also wasn’t meditating or doing yoga nearly as much as I normally do and my mental health could tell. Towards the end of the semester I would sleep in on Thursdays and work out later that day. I also tried to focus more on meditating and my yoga job helped me increase the frequency in which I practiced.
On and off I got homesick. I would make a mistake, feel happy, feel sad, and just want to be with my parents. Call me a baby, that’s fine, but my parents are the coolest people ever and my best friends. Every day of high school I would talk to my mom all throughout the day and tons when I got home. We would do what we called “therapy sessions” where I shared everything I had on my mind. We would talk things through, laugh, cry, whatever I needed. I don’t think I realized how much I needed that until it wasn’t as frequent. Of course I call my mom everyday, but my schedule is packed and she has things going on, so it can be hard for schedules to align and nothing is that same as in person. This has begun to teach me to comfort myself and not rely as much (stress on the word “as much” because I have not nearly solved this problem) on external validation from my parents.
By the end of the semester with two weeks left to go even though I had just seen my family, I really really struggled. I think the biggest thing this semester was that I got in my own way even more than usual. I would worry and plan and plan and worry and that cost me so much energy that I felt lifeless. In the last week, the biggest week as it was finals time, I got sick. I wasn’t sure what sickness this was but I felt beyond exhausted. I couldn’t move and all I wanted to do was sleep. I would try to do work, but I would end up just staring at a page or my screen. This ended up being burnout. I had to sleep for multiple days and take a while off of working out. I thought I was doing well and staying balanced, but there are a few things that led to this. For one, I was worrying constantly about everything and anything. I was also trying to schedule every single moment of my life. I would make a schedule then I would think about it and plan every detail in between. Since I tutor, I had to plan those students into myself schedule. I took on not only their schedules, but also their emotions. If they were stressed about their ACT, I would feel that and worry for them. I took on my friends stress and anxiety and started worrying that I wasn’t worrying enough. I worked out too much and didn’t take rest days. Although I may have been a bit more balanced than in the past, I worried more than ever and that is what really took it out of me.
Reflections and takeaways:
I am taking this break as a break. I put a pause on my jobs and took a break from working out and planning. My goal for next semester is to make my schedule and let it go. If something doesn’t happen that’s ok I don’t need to ruminate on it. I am going to instill a rest day each week. I will meditate every day and do positive affirmations. I will reflect every week and judge how I am doing and if I need to cut back on something. I will truly and entirely focus on me, not taking on other people’s stress or schedules. I will release what I don’t have control over and know that everything will work out.
I was questioning whether I wanted to share this or not because I don’t want to come off a certain way, but I think it proves my point of releasing control. At the beginning of the semester I took my first history quiz and did great. The second one not so much. I got a 70% and thought my world was ending. I started to spiral, of course because it’s what I’m best at. This grade in combination with the fact that many people’s parents were coming to visit and mine were not and the 2 shootings that had just occurred sent me into a fluster. For about half of the semester I was so up and arms about this grade thinking there was no way I could recover. I kept focusing on this one assignment, but I finally let it go. I gave up control and focused on what I could control: the coming assignments and my relationship with my professor. I ended up having the best relationship and conversations with this professor and totally loved him and his class. He helped me work through the class and with a lot of effort I ended with an A. A very similar story happened in both my Business class and Health and Happiness class. I worried so much about what I couldn’t control whether it be a group project or a past grade, but when I finally released that worry I could put my effort into excelling the class and end with A’s in those classes and a 4.0. The 4.0 was amazing, but what is even better is that I had accepted that I didn’t think that would happen and that was ok. I knew I was doing all that I could and I had to be ok with that being enough regardless of what grade that meant. I worked hard and it paid off.
My goal is to work hard on plan for how to do even better next semester, and I don’t mean grades, I mean mental health. By the end of this semester my mental health was shot and that is not how I want to live.