So Much to Talk About
Hello beautifuls it has been a hot minute, but I’m back and better than ever. I wanted to write a post sharing everything that has been going on lately, my thoughts and feelings, and any little bit of randomness that I feel like including.
Going all the way back to February 9th, I went home because UNC had a few days off. It was so nice to be back home relaxing, going to yoga, being with my family, and cooking. I got in later Friday night and spent the rest of the night with my dad, brother, and pups before heading to bed (My mom was gone for a trip unfortunately, but I was lucky able to see her for a night before I left). Obviously the next morning I went to yoga. Then I came home and immediately got in my bathing suit to soak up the rays I had been missing. I took all of our Food and Wine magazines with me and flipped through trying to figure out what cooking adventure my dad and I would impart on that night. The food in college isn’t horrible, but it definitely isn’t any Williams family cooking so to say I was yearning for my parents incredible home-cooked meals would be an understatement. My dad and I decided to make Iberico pork that he had shipped in with chimichurri and Brussels sprouts. Then, our family friend went fishing and dropped off amazing fresh caught snapper so we had to make a delicious ceviche.
Ceviche Ingredients:
Fresh fish
Limes
Lemons
Onion
Mango
Avocado
Tomato
Jalapeno, Serrano, red pepper, and/or any combination
Cilantro
Chips for serving
Ceviche Recipe:
Cut the fish into bite-sized pieces and place in a bowl.
Zest and juice limes and lemons and pour over the fish. You should have enough juice to cover all the fish.
Chop your ingredients (small is better).
Add all but the mango and avocado to the bowl, then refrigerate. Put the mango and avocado in the fridge separately.
When you are ready to eat, add the mango and avocado and serve with chips!
Cooking is such a special activity for me as it allows me to be creative, learn new skills, and be with the people I love. The outcome of cooking is fabulous, but the journey is just as fun. Throw on some music, dance around, fill your heart with love and laughter. After dinner, we watched TV together and then it was off to bed. Although it can be sad to be without the people you hold so much love for, it makes the time spent with them that much more special. I have noticed I am more present and less worried about future to-dos because really all that matters is being right where I am.
Back to The Yoga Shack Sunday morning for two classes back-to-back because… duh. Once my body and soul were fully replenished from the best yoga in the world, I went to Project Coffee right across the street from their amazing omelet and to homework. I wanted to make sure I was keeping up with my work (aka getting ahead lol) so I grinned for a few hours. Being in a coffee shop is a nice change and allows me to better focus because there aren’t cute dogs running around or things I wish I was doing instead. I knew I had two big exams in the next two weeks, and I also knew I would be traveling to visit my boyfriend the upcoming weekend, so I took advantage of the time I had. While we are on that note, a few study tips…
Take advantage of the time you have and be intentional. If you are doing your work, do it. If you are relaxing or having fun, do that. Separate the two, or else you will never fully enjoy a moment.
Find the balance between planning ahead, being spontaneous, and living in the moment. Instead of following a strict schedule or not schedule at all, pencil it in. Give yourself a rough layout of the things you have to do and the time you have.
Study as you go. I know you have heard a million times not to cram the night before, but it is so true. I had been studying for my exams practically all semester that I was able to travel the weekend before my exam and by the time it was the night before I barely needed to study. If you are confused on a topic, get help or watch videos right away.
Don’t compare how much you study/ need to study to someone else. Don’t let their anxieties or on the other hand their confidence transfer to you.
After studying I went home and we made another ceviche to bring to a Super Bowl party because it was just so delicious. I hung out with my dad and our family friends and watched the game. It was just me and the boys and I loved. Not going to lie, the Super Bowl felt really boring this year so we finished watching at home with the pups. Hockey will always be superior.
I didn’t go back until Tuesday because we had Monday and Tuesday off, so Monday morning I pelotoned, did homework, and relaxed. That night my mom came home so I spent a little bit of time with her that night and the next morning before I hopped on my flight. I studied more on the plane and worked out when I got back to Chapel Hill.
After my workout I went to pick up my packages and along with my Barebells protein bars I ordered (they are so good), were two of the sweetest gifts from my boyfriend for Valentines Day. Flowers and cupcakes will always be the way to my heart. He’s the best and it made my day.
The next day was Valentines and this was the first time I have ever celebrated Valentines with someone. I couldn’t have asked for a better Valentine.
Later that week we had a little Valentines which I highly recommend. It was so fun to get together with some of the girls from my floor and just chat and have fun.
The next day was what I had been waiting for all week… it was finally time to go to Michigan and see my boyfriend. We had the best weekend ever. We went to one of his fraternity cocktails, went out, went to his house, and out to dinner. I felt so lucky to spend time with him, his friends, and his family. It was the perfect weekend and exactly what I needed before I had to come back and take two exams.
I left Michigan feeling beyond happy. You couldn’t knock the smile off my face if you tried so I used this as motivation to keep working hard and studying. One of my exams was the next day and the other was the day after that, but I felt prepared, replenished, and so ready to kill it.
With exams coming up, normally my anxiety would be through the roof, but lately my anxiety has been significantly decreased. My whole life I have struggled with insane anxiety and anxiety/panic attacks. I don’t know if Ive ever really gone into detail about it, and I want to shed some light on it. Mental health and anxiety are not embarrassing and not something you have control over, but something we have to work with. At the beginning of high school I used to cry almost everyday because I was rattled with anxiety. Everyone is anxious about different things, but for me it was anything related to school, work, my future, being perfect, etc. I was doing everything right. I worked out everyday, I meditated, I did yoga. While these things helped, my anxiety was still extreme. I got on medication and it was the best decision of my life. I know some people have differing opinions, but I am in full support of medicine as a helping hand. I was trapped. Bound in shackles by my own anxiety. Medicine helped and for that I will be forever grateful. However, even with medicine and everything else I was doing, my anxiety didn’t go away. Anxiety isn’t supposed to go away because it helps guide your life, but mine was still quite a bit more extreme than others.
Anxiety is exhausting. It takes all your energy and turns it into worry. You don’t want to be worrying, but you can’t stop. It’s a compulsion.
I am overjoyed to say that I have never felt so free from anxiety as I do now. I have never known a life without debilitating anxiety, and don’t get me wrong it still comes in flows, but it is a feeling that is hard to describe. All the things I have been trying to do like live in the present, take things as the come, only worry about what I can control, do my best and know that is enough are finally coming to life.
Now the real question is, what do I think changed? As tough as first semester was, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Going through hard times is what allows us to build skills and grow into the person we wish to be. First semester taught me that effort is greater than outcome. It taught me to live life a little, because it isn’t about trying to be perfect or fill every second of the day. I started to really believe that I am enough and I am doing enough. While I really soaked in the lessons of first semester to ease my anxiety, I have to say my boyfriend and friends have helped me more than they could imagine. Finding people that love you, support you, and what you to be happy is a game changer. I also increased my medication! I was on a baby dose which originally was just supposed to be a trial, but now I increased to a normal amount.
I say all this for a few reasons. Firstly, we as a society need to stop whispering around mental health because the majority of the population struggles with some mental health issue. It isn’t a bad thing, it is life. Second, know that you are not alone, but also use this to foster compassion. You never know what is going on inside someone else’s brain. You don’t know the day they have had. Be kind. Lastly, it will get better. If I would have read this my senior year of high school, I wouldn’t believe that it was me writing this. Learn, reflect, grow, and put in the work. That is all you can do.