Foregiveness

Forgiveness is a deep topic and one that I have definitely struggled with. Personally, I tend to forgive and forgive but then when I reach my breaking point, I am done. After someone has done me wrong I never understand why I should forgive them. However, there are different types of forgiveness. Not all forgiveness has to mean that you will go back to that person as if nothing ever happened. Sometimes forgiveness results in freeing the mind, but separating from that person that caused you pain. 

When thinking of forgiveness we must confront our feelings. Never try to suppress your emotions for the benefit of others or even yourself. You may not want to deal with your emotions, but in the long run it will be worth it. Figure out how you feel, talk it out. Sometimes by just talking you can forgive someone, but other times it may be more complicated. I won’t dig too far into that, because you know what is best for your situation. I mainly want to discuss forgiving someone when you feel like you can’t. 

After a traumatic event that instilled anger, sadness, betrayal, or any negative emotion, you probably feel a heavy weight inside of you. Even if it isn’t consciously on your mind, you are always subconsciously thinking about it. It keeps swirling in and out of your thoughts and into different parts of your life. You will feel the effects of your grudge. You may think your resentment is your power, however it is the opposite. That person or event now has the power over your emotions. It is time for you to take back your power, but only when you are ready. 

Forgiveness frees the mind. It makes your soul feel nourished. Forgiveness is not about “them,” it is about you. If you are having trouble forgiving, I am here to tell you that is completely normal. It is hard to forgive, it feels impossible. I was at a place in which I thought my grudge would never stop haunting me. I rightfully held this grudge, but the reason you forgive is for yourself. You do this to feel peace. They may not deserve it, but you do.

Forgiveness is not a quick process and its length is different for everyone. Everyone processes differently. 

My YTT forever changed my view of forgiveness. Many days we chanted, “May all be happy. May all be healthy. May all enjoy their life.” When I first sang this, I felt as if I was lying to myself. I hadn’t forgiven and thus I wasn’t hoping that all were happy. This realization shocked me, because it made me feel so unlike myself. 

Start to use this mantra. Chant it. You will soon start to believe it and find truth within it.

I strongly believe that life is about happiness. Creating a beautiful life involves love to everyone, even when we feel like they don’t deserve it.  I shifted my perspective. I worked on myself. Unhappiness with others comes from unhappiness within. If you are fully happy with yourself and your life, you will wish the same for others. If we are all happy, we can cultivate a stronger more loving environment. 

I want to emphasize that forgiveness is not a linear process, just as most things are not. You may or may not have a day where you feel as though the weight has dropped. It may be an ongoing journey in which one day you realize that you don’t feel that anger anymore, but you can’t pinpoint when it occurred. 

When I began this process I felt hopeless. It took me a very long time to want to forgive and when I did I wanted it to be over. However, you can’t force forgiveness. You have to put in the work. Work on yourself. Obviously, most people aren’t going to be hearing yogic philosophy for 12 hours everyday for 4 weeks, but you can start by being more positive. You don’t have to be happy all the time, but find the joy in your life. Look into philosophy. Realize that everything happens for a reason. What lesson did it teach you? If you feel jealousy, are you actually jealous or are you just taking everything in? If you do feel jealous, what can you do to not feel this way? Visualize your highest self and take the steps to get yourself there. You hold the power, what are you going to do with it? 

Work on making your life more joyful. Whenever I start to feel negative feelings, I first ask myself why, I figure out how I can fix it, and most importantly I remember that life is about enjoyment so what can I do to enjoy my life? Holding a grudge takes so much energy even if you don’t think it does. That grudge chops away at your enjoyment little by little. When your life becomes more joyful, you start to hope that others can experience the joy you are feeling. You will want to “share the wealth.”

I can’t tell you how to forgive, but I can give you tips. For me, it was about trust. Trusting myself and the universe and knowing that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  To do this, I read articles, listened attentively to yogic philosophy, spoke out positive affirmations, etc. I needed to unblock my sixth chakra, the third-eye chakra. There is always some lesson to learn or something that is supposed to come out of every situation.

Be open to the happiness of others. Get to a place where you genuinely hope others are happy. 

I will end you with this definition of forgiveness. Psychologists explain forgiveness as, “a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.”